Preparing for India: Provision indeed

I did not like getting checks from people in the beginning. I sent out my support letter, I prayed God would provide every dime. And yet it felt weird to actually receive checks from people- wonderful, generous, Christ-loving people. I wanted to give the money back. The truth was that I didn't want to feel like a charity case. I asked lots of people for money, and in my heart rejected it when it came. All because I am too prideful to accept help from others. I would like to believe that I can provide for myself. And perhaps this past year of living alone has fed that mentality. Most of the time I feel as though it is easier to serve others than it is to be served by others. And that's the gross being called pride.
When money started flowing in, practically every day, I was humbled to say the least. Over and over, day after day. I found, in this humility, that I very much enjoyed seeing the money come in. I enjoy seeing God work in this way. It really is Him, and none of me.
Sometimes God's provision seems like this nebulous thing. As if, what I call "God's provision", is really something that would have happened anyway, had I prayed for it or not. I know in my heart that all things come from Him, but I struggle to remember things in that way. Like when food is in my fridge - I tend to think it came more from the grocery store, and less from the goodness and provision of God.
For those of you who enjoy the commentator in me, here is the summary paragraph: I am learning a lot in preparation for India. Overwhelming themes seem to be centered around the breakdown of my pride, my misperceptions of God, and what it means to love people (that's for another time). God is very good. Amen.

Preparing for India: Vaccines are expensive

I got an email today from Patricia, the vet I'll be travelling to India with. The dates are set. October 29-November 12. I feel as though I am somehow breathing a sigh of relief and hyperventilating at the same time. The money is freaking me out. I've been waiting to take care of some things until the dates were set (vaccines, visa, etc), and now that they are set, the cost of all these pre-trip details is adding up.
I immediately started posting things for sale on craigslist. And then I, quite dramatically, flailed myself out on my bedroom floor and began to pray.
God showed me very recently how abundantly and generously He provides (a new car, money, etc), and somehow I still doubt that He'll provide for India. As if I only get one good provision a year, and I just used it up on a car. So I am praying for a right perspective, for belief, for faith. I have asked God to provide the money to go (for months I have done so), and the minute I find out the cost of vaccines, I lose all faith and start considering selling drugs. Or a kidney. I hear you can get a lot for one of those.