Preparing for India: Provision indeed

I did not like getting checks from people in the beginning. I sent out my support letter, I prayed God would provide every dime. And yet it felt weird to actually receive checks from people- wonderful, generous, Christ-loving people. I wanted to give the money back. The truth was that I didn't want to feel like a charity case. I asked lots of people for money, and in my heart rejected it when it came. All because I am too prideful to accept help from others. I would like to believe that I can provide for myself. And perhaps this past year of living alone has fed that mentality. Most of the time I feel as though it is easier to serve others than it is to be served by others. And that's the gross being called pride.
When money started flowing in, practically every day, I was humbled to say the least. Over and over, day after day. I found, in this humility, that I very much enjoyed seeing the money come in. I enjoy seeing God work in this way. It really is Him, and none of me.
Sometimes God's provision seems like this nebulous thing. As if, what I call "God's provision", is really something that would have happened anyway, had I prayed for it or not. I know in my heart that all things come from Him, but I struggle to remember things in that way. Like when food is in my fridge - I tend to think it came more from the grocery store, and less from the goodness and provision of God.
For those of you who enjoy the commentator in me, here is the summary paragraph: I am learning a lot in preparation for India. Overwhelming themes seem to be centered around the breakdown of my pride, my misperceptions of God, and what it means to love people (that's for another time). God is very good. Amen.